Blog Challenge Day 21: My Biggest Fear

I have to admit I have a fair amount of fears. I think a lot of that is due to a fear of the unknown which I’m sure links back to a control issue and…well there’s a shrink somewhere needing a beach house just waiting for me to walk through the door.


So when it came to picking my biggest fear it came down to two. I’m going to call one a physical fear and one a mental fear.

I have a horrible fear of not being able to breathe; whether it’s due to drowning, suffocating or even strenuous activity like intense cardio. Even writing this is causing me to have to stop and take deep breaths and catch my breath. I’ve had to avoid movies and tv shows that may have scenes where characters can’t breathe and I am shocked I made it through Titanic 4 times. I blame that on youth and now I don’t think I could handle the last hour.

However, my absolute biggest fear is more of a mental one. I have this fear of not being able to get home and being separated from my family. I blame the Wizard of Oz. I have always disliked this move and as a child my parents chalked it up to the witch. Yeah, she was screechy and not nice looking, but witches aren’t real and I understood this very early. What really unnerved me about this movie was that Dorothy just wanted to go home and she couldn’t get there. She wanted her family and she couldn’t see them. I did not like this. Same with An American Tail and Land Before Time. While giant cats and Tyrannosaurs Rexes can’t hurt me, I could in theory get lost or lose my family.

When I was a kid and wouldn’t leave someplace my mom would do the typical “okay, I’m leaving, guess you’re not coming” and walk slowly to the car. My younger sister would barely look up and keep doing whatever she was doing but I was on my feet in a second begging her not to leave me. Really, I knew she wouldn’t leave me, but I couldn’t get that fear out of my head so just in case I’d follow immediately dramatically wailing for her to wait for me.

I think this is why I don’t handle car issues well because the thought of being broken down somewhere and not being able to get home terrifies me. I’ve called my husband in a panic with a dead battery demanding he be where I am within 5 minutes. I’m at near panic attack level until I see my out, my way home. When we got new car insurance I refused to agree to the new policy until I sure there was roadside assistance. I have to know I have a way home.

I actually thought I’d left much of this behind as I’d gotten older and (as horrible as this sounds) I no longer feared losing my parents as I was on my own. Then Isaac and I went to see the movie District 9. In the movie the main character gets touched or bit…can’t remember by an alien and slowly begins transforming into one himself. He is obviously distressed and the government is after him and through it all he is desperate to call his wife and to go home. I was hysterical. Isaac actually asked if I needed to leave at one point. I even remember quietly sobbing at one point “he just wants his wife”. I kid you not, I am tearing up just typing this. Isaac’s shoulder and shirt sleeve were soaked through by the time the movie was over.  So now my fear is not being able to get home and losing my husband. I think I hold his hand tighter than Carolina does when we’re out in large crowds.

You would think I had been abandoned on roadside somewhere as baby, but no, I was very much loved adn taken care of, maybe I'm just more of a homebody than I think! :)

Blog Challenge Day 20: What Do I Collect

My first thought when I saw this prompt was "junk in my purse". My purse is a monument to the receipts, pens, flyers and notebooks I accumulate. I am actually in between purse right now thanks to an incident involving a banana that I don't wish to discuss further...

However, upon looking around my house and discussing with my husband, who agreed with my first inclination, I found a few other collections.

Between the two of us we brought in a nice little shot glass collection that we've added to as we've traveled together.

A couple years ago we started keeping wine bottles we've emptied and lining the top of our kitchen cabinets with them. It's a cool visual and a nice reminder of all the bottles of wine we've shared with each other and friends. Although we've recently run out of room so I'm not sure what that says...

In the last year we've accrued a nice little collection of Doctor Who memorabilia. We have a Pandorica, most of the major characters, a sonic screw driver, a Dalek and a coffee table book! Our front room has become nerd central! :)

My step daughter has a snow globe collection that help her with by making sure each holiday includes a new snow globe as well as finding one any place we travel to. She loves getting them and now we just need a place to display them; her little shelf is getting pretty full!

I thinks that's all the collections here, it's still early, I may go add to that wine bottle collection!

part of the wine bottle collection

Blog Challenge Day 18: Where I am the Happiest

I think I'm happiest when I am at my house, in my yoga pants hanging with my hubby. Add a cold rainy weekend, a West Wing marathon and a bottle of wine and I'm pretty much in happiness overload!

That being said, I also find great happingess on a patio drinking a margarita, especially during summer months.

My husband calls Target my happy place and for good reason, I am very, very happy when I am there!

I also recently found a happiness I'd never experienced in a city before when I went to London on my honeymoon. I know part of that happiness was simply being on my honeymoon. But London in general lit a spark inside of me I'd never felt before. We were in London for several days, then went on to Paris and Rome and neither of those cities lit that spark that London did. I love Austin, but I London and immediately felt that I belonged there. Moving to London is now part of our 10 year plan. Get the kiddo graduated and her own fabulous life underway and then move to London!

One of my favorite New Year's Eve. Just hanging at home!

Girl meets London.

Blog Challange Day 15: 10 Things that Make Me Awesome

This was probably the most difficult challenge, I'm not great at recognizing my strengths. I end up asking my husband for his opinion and I'll add it after mine; it made me giggle.

1.  I'm very loyal. This includes friends, family, jobs, tv shows.. I stick with it!
2.  I'm good at finding family activities to do during kid weekends. I scour local blogs and websites trying to find fun stuff for us to do. If nothings going on I find baking and art projects. I've boredom breeds whining!
3. I'm a pretty good Wicked Step mom. I have my moments, that's for sure, but I think I try really hard and for the most part have a great relationship with my step daughter. She's only 9 though... I shudder as I consider her teen years. 
4. I'm eager to help. I'm a little shy about offering help, but if I asked I'm always eager to jump in and help where I can. 
5. I think I'm pretty well rounded. I can have a conversation that starts with latest Hollywood pregnancy rumors, moves into TV and movies, then politics and current events.
6. I'm very open minded. I figured out long ago that people and situations are all different. You do what's good for you, I'll do what's good for me. 
7. I love to do laundry. I think because folding it can easily involve watching TV.
8. I think I have a pretty good sense of humor. It can be a bit dry and contains sarcasm so it doesn't translate online well, but I love to laugh and making others laugh.
9. I've taken to international Soccer tournaments. This really only matters to my husband, but after a life time of no soccer watching I watched 2 World Cup matches and was hooked! Viva Espana! 
10. I'm nice. That seems weird to say, but that sums up a lot of it. I never go looking to be mean to others or make them feel bad. With close friends and co workers I can talk some snark, but I genuinely try to be nice to everyone. You have no idea what may be going on in their life, so even if all I can manage is silence, that's nicer than being rude!

Now the list my husband sent me!

1.       My Sweeteness

2.       Gets me breakfast when I need it the most

3.       Those Eyes

4.       Explorer at heart

5.       Best sense of humor I know

6.       That rear

7.       Loves The West Wing

8.       That front

9.       Bakes World’s Best Pumpkin Cookies

10.   Mywife!

Blog Challenge Day 13: Regret

First let me say I regret how many days I've missed. I had every intention of keeping up with these but then crazy days at work happens, extra days with step kiddo due to Spring Break happens, and time change induced haziness happens. But I made it back in time for regrets.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about regrets. I've made it a point to have very few for one simple reason; I love my life now and what if by changing something I regret, it takes me from my husband and my life now.
So while i sometimes regret things like I never had a college experience, where would I be now? Would I have met Isaac, would I have the friends I have now? I don't like that thought so I try to view every choice  in my life, good or bad, as part of what made me who I am today and not regret that.

The one area I regret is anytime I've hurt someone, intentionally or not. I hate hurting others and I deeply regret any time something I've said or done has made someone else feel bad. Every time my patience has left me too soon and I've snapped at Carolina. Every time as kids or adults where something I've said or done has hurt my sister or anyone in my family. Anytime I've lashed out at Isaac in anger and taken it too far stays with me.

I've admittedly pretty sensitive and I know how badly I feel when others hurt me and the thought of inflicting that on someone else makes me incredibly sad. So I try everyday  to think before I speak or act and ask myself if I'm about to do something I will regret. I fail many times, but I hope I've saved myself a little bit of regret.

Blog Challenge Day 4: Favorite Childhood Memory

Blog Challenge Day 4- Favorite Childhood memory


I feel like I had a pretty happy childhood, we had some nice vacations, my sister and I played together and I had plenty of friends. My parents divorced when I was 13, but I’ve always considered that just a small blip on my overall life. When I came to my favorite memories I realized I had a lot of good memories, but I couldn't pick a favorite. Until I remembered a weekend activity we would do several times a year.  The weekends our family would go bike riding downtown.

Austin has a really great running/bike trail downtown that loops around the lake and is well used and well loved by Austinites. Known simply as the Hike and Bike trail, it spans about 10 miles around the lake downtown.

I have great memories of Saturday mornings where my dad would get up and ask who wanted to go ride bikes. We’d eagerly get dressed, my dad would load our bikes in his truck and off we’d go. We’d park at Austin High School unload the bikes and be off. We usually did the full trail riding at times through trees and along the lake and then up on what is now Cesar Chavez but at that time was 1st street. We’d ride across the Congress Ave Bridge and in front of Auditorium shores by the old Palmer events center.

We usually rode with my dad in front with my sister and I in the middle and my mom bringing up the rear. As this was the early 90’s there were no helmets or knee pads we just rolled along with the wind in our hair and the sun on our face. Don’t worry, we wore sunscreen!

My sister, always the braver one, took on the hills fast, even after a couple spills she never backed off. I have always been much more cautious and if I wasn’t comfortable with a hill I’d simply hop off my bike and walk it to the bottom and then keep going! I think this says a lot about our differences, even today.

However, the best part of bike ride mornings were that after we’d ridden around for a couple hours we’d load the bikes back up and go get a late breakfast before heading home. There’s nothing better than pancakes and bacon from Magnolia Café after you’ve spent the morning outdoors!

Now at 30, I can’t even remember the last time I rode a bike that wasn’t in a spin class. Bikes aren’t cheap, but I’m hoping we can invest in some for ourselves and kiddo pretty soon. I’d love to take my family downtown someday and maybe have one of those amazing Austin mornings like I used to have.

Blog Challenge Day 3: What Makes Me Happy

I've been walking around all day trying to think about a good response for this and I realized I have many responses and that's a good thing! This is not a full list by any means but here are a few.

• Lazily drinking coffee on weekend mornings while chatting with my husband
• Family movie nights where all three of us end up under a blanket on the couch
• Waking up on non kid weekends and knowing I can sleep as long as I want
• Cold, rainy Saturdays spent in pj pants (not many of those in Texas!)
• The West Wing theme music
• A cold bottle of Coke
• Margaritas and lots of laughs on a hot summer day
• Hot pancakes covered in real maple syrup 
• a great run after work
• Doctor Who episodes
• Friday nights
• walking around London
• baking with my stepdaughter
• booking a flight to some place I've never been
• list making
• Body Flow class after a stressful day of work
• a glass of wine with dinner 
• For my uber sappy one, when I look at my husband of 6 months and have that "oh my god, we're married!!" moment.

 Just typing this out made me both happy and a little hungry!

Blog Challenge Day 2: Favorite Quotes

 "Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: All of them make me laugh."
W.H. Auden


I think this quote sums me and my life the most. I love to laugh. When my step daughter was about five she told me I was filled with laughter! I'll admit I have laughed at the wrong moment, but normally most situations can be made better if you focus on the funny. I love that I have managed to surround myself with people both at work and home who feel the same way. My husband cracks me up multiple times a day and his funny emails to me at work were one of the first things I liked about him!

I get to work with some of the funniest people I know as well and  the toughest days at work have been eased by someone cracking a joke that made me laugh out loud. Even those I don't sit in the same state with crack me up via IM and email everyday.  Laughter is the best medicine and I love surrounding myself with people that remind me of that everyday!

5 Things About Me

I've never done a blog challenge before, but I've had a hard time getting myself to blog on a regular basis and I'd like to improve my writing skills so this seemed like a fun thing to try. I also like it's not Mom specific. That sounds horrible, but as a non full time step parent, I feel hypocritical participating in Mom blogging, but sometimes it feels like that's all that's out there! I enjoy reading about other people parenting experiences, but I don't feel comfortable joining in on the conversation. I think that's what drew me to this blog challenge.

So here goes nothing!  Self portrait that makes me look like I have facial deformity, even though I promise it's just the way the sun was coming in the car window and 5 things about me!
   

1. I am obsessed with office supplies. Post its, pens, notebooks, highlighters, calendars, file folders, binders and so on. Lack of funds keeps me from camping out at Office Depot and the office supply aisle of Target. For all the supplies I have, I should be more organized than I am!

2. I never had a cup of coffee until I was on my second date with my now husband. He ordered a coffee and so did I so he would think I was cool. I now have at least one cup everyday! (My step daughter loves that story so much!)

3. As you will soon see I am a horrible editor of really anything. My brain just automatically seems to correct any errors as I read them. I can read things 10 times be convinced everything is fine, hit post and suddenly 10 things are spelled wrong. I need more than spell check I just need someone with more of an attention span to read and find errors for me. If they could also do my make up, my hair and make sure my outfit looks decent everyday I'd really have all my needs met!

4. I resisted hubby’s attempts to get me on Twitter for over a year but many of podcasts I like kept referencing it, so I finally logged in one Sunday. Within two hours Twitter was buzzing with the death of Osama Bin Laden! Quite the introduction to Twitter and the first time I really understood the power of social media.

5. If necessary I could sustain myself on Ritz crackers and cheddar cheese.

So that's five! So far so good, let's see if I make it through day 2!